augh!

Well the past week (or month) has been a very frustrating one for me. I find myself getting more and more stressed as the days pass. So I figured, maybe if I write down my concerns and get them off my chest then I may be able to relax a bit. So here goes:

1. Where will Rick be working by the end of the summer? I would really like to know soon because we need to find housing near his new location! Plus it would be nice to know that we will still be able to put food on the table...
2. Baby R's weight gain. She needs to stay at or above the 50th percentile in weight or she will have to have a Gastrostomy Tube. This makes me very stressed because there are some days where she doesn't want to eat a lot. It is also hard because I only have 30 minutes from when I give her the pancreatic enzymes to finish feeding her. Therefore she doesn't get much time to actually work on feeding herself before I need to start shoveling the food in for her to make sure she eats enough calories.
3. My dad's health. It is always a rollercoaster ride with him, but it is hard for me to ride along anymore. Baby R has very limited contact with him because some of the infections he has Baby R cannot be exposed to. My daughter's health must come first, which makes it difficult for me to see him much at all - thus making me feel guilty.
4. Baby R has no desire to crawl. This should not be a big deal because many children skip crawling and go straight to walking. However, I have talked to some mothers, and have read a few things that show a possible link between not crawling and a tendency for dyslexia, ADD and other learning inhibitors. Even though there isn't medical proof showing this, it is believable. So, my worrisome self has been working around the clock to try to persuade Baby R to crawl - so far, no luck.
5. My happy baby has disappeared. Hopefully this is just temporary, but Baby R has turned into a whiny baby. People ask me "Is she hungry?" "Is she tired?" "Why is she crying?" And my answer is "no," "no," and "if I knew then I would make it stop!" I HAVE NO IDEA!!! Maybe she is teething, maybe her tummy hurts her from her surgery, maybe she has allergies, maybe she is bored, maybe she hates her mother.... WHO KNOWS??!

Ok, well enough of that, I officially sound like a whiner! I am going to switch directions here and name 5 blessings in my life to counter those worries. So here goes:

1. Despite the many complications early in life, Baby R is healthy! Rick and I prayed throughout my entire pregnancy for a healthy baby, and the Lord blessed us with one. We are blessed that she was born at a time when there are so many medical treatments and preventative things we can do for her to ensure a healthy life.
2. My dad has been blessed to live long enough to see not just one grandchild come into the world, but four. When he was diagnosed with diabetes, the doctors estimated his life expectancy to be around 30 years. He is almost 54. There have been many times in my life when we didn't think he would make it much longer. But miraculously he has defied the odds, and made it this far. And we expect many more years from him!
3. Rick has always been blessed with a good job. Well, by 'good,' I mean a job that pays the bills. He hasn't always enjoyed his jobs, but we have always had a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food to eat, and more... I am sure he will get a good job offer soon.
4. Baby R really enjoys standing up, and trying to walk. The last few days she has even started taking a couple steps here or there when we are holding her hands. I have no doubt that she is where she should be developmentally. And when I was reading a Parenting Magazine the other day, it said crawling is not a developmental milestone that is necessary. It said after sitting up, the next necessary milestone is pulling herself up into a standing position by holding onto a stationary object. She can do that while holding onto my hands, and is almost there while holding onto her little play table. (But I do still want her to crawl...)
5. We live so close to family. My sister and brother both live within 5 minutes of our apartment. My parents live about 15 minutes away. Rick's parents live about 50 minutes away. How great is that? Many of our friends live across the country from their families, and only see them a handful of times or less in a year. We see our families a minimum of once a month!

Sorry to air out my dirty laundry, but I often find that letting it all out makes me feel better. Once I say it out loud or write it down, it normally doesn't seem so bad. And if it makes a few more people pray for us - well, who could ask for more? Now that I have gotten that off my chest and made myself think of a few blessings in my life, I do feel better. Now I can go play with my beautiful daughter. Lucky for her, all she has to do is smile at me and I forget how mad I was! I think that could be blessing #6 - Baby R's perfect little gummy smile!